2d Inquiry task

I think that the idea of this particular task is to observe what it is you are doing, and where it is you may want to go next. By looking through my journal and thinking about myself within the my professional practice I have come across common themes and lines of enqiry to take forward from now and evaluate their development within this reflective course, in a hope that they will lead me to a golden pot of further self understanding.
Things that I seem to be dealing with at the moment are the fear of failure, the quest to find balance between my practice and professional line of work/ extra jobs when pay is low/ university and study, my ever going confidence battle and my closed minded approach to many new concepts (especially technology).

With task 2d in mind I have taken the following questions in to account within my current daily practice;

What do you love about what you do?

What and who gets you really enthusiastic about what you do?

Who do you admire who also loves what you do?

What makes you angry or sad within your practice?

I found these questions very difficult to answer in a concise way as I could write reams and reams...(and have done in my journal) however I will mention but a few to give a basic impression for the blog.

One of the most important aspects of my practice for me, other than the performance life I have and the buzz that I recieve from an audience, is the joy and enthusiasm from young dancers that I teach  in that side of my professional practice. I teach a wide range of people ranging from professionals, dance students, children, people of the community and people with learning and physical disabilities. I must admit, despite the  challenge on some days, the feeling that I am making a difference to others lives is more than I could imagine in any 'normal' job. Knowing that the student's life has been and can be changed, giving them inspiration that can be hard to find in some deprived areas of the country, giving young children a 'good' path to follow makes the long days and sometimes frustrations worthwhile as a sense of perspective is given to meanial worries of my own.

I also love being inspired by other teachers and artists...there is nothing worse than having a teacher who does not believe in what they are teaching and their projectionof class, letting their bad vibes influence the dancers. Yet for me one (of many) of my fantastic teachers, who helped me over come the 'distruction' a prior lecturer gave me for Graham technique was Susan Sentler. She is a senior lecturer at Laban now, and the students who still have her for a class say how her energy never fails, her passion beams from her body and personality, to be honest I really miss her classes!! She is one of the teachers I aspire to be, afterall I feel that my technique (and attitude) have improved more than I could have hoped for with her guidance.

I think seeing improvement with my students and watchcing them grow and succeed within their projects gets me really excited to go further with them. (I can understand Susan's enthusiasm as daily she would be seeing her knowlege change and mould her dancers...as I see now!)

New challenges such as this course, and the not knowing where it could lead me is an exciting thought. Most of the time I like to plan and understand situations and the possible outcomes so I know where I may be headed...yet with BAPP as I dont know what is to happen or what I may discover about myself is actually very exciting.

Again, faultless enthusiasm can also be seen in two lovely ladies who I work with in Smallpetitklein dance co,  Ruth Mills (a Glasgow based Graham  teacher and performer) and Yolanda Aguilar (Spanish born, Scotland based dance learning and development manager).

http://www.smallpetitklein.com/ruth.html

http://ruthmillsdance.blogspot.co.uk/

http://www.smallpetitklein.com/yolanda.html

Ruth's 'up for anything, i'l give it a go' attitude and never ending passion is one I strive develop and hold. She lives and breaths dance, and throws all of her energy and thoughts in to her passion. I know that I am very much like her yet I do have to detract myself sometimes as for Miss Mills, she has countless amounts of contacts, experience and awards that means she is in the driving seat of her career, turning down work as and when she feels. Being able to pick and chose potential contracts to suit myself would be amazing, yet as work is at an all time low, and as the company is back to project based tours I have had to bite the bullet and return to 'normal' work as extra to teaching and performing to stay afloat in the earnings department.

Yolanda has relit my flame and passion for teaching, she is an incredible lady with a good heart and gives her students the love and attention they deserve. Yolanda has an exceptional ability, like most, to leave all apprehensions and personal upset at the door you would never know if she was suffering as she never lets her personality within class faulter! Her tender teaching manner especially when she works with people with disabilities in beautiful to watch.

Things that I feel make me sad or angry within my profession I must admit is the lack of enthusiasm within teachers (as earlier mentioned). Also as the recession and funding cuts withing the arts,  the unearthing of dance exploiters has become ever more apparant. Dancers pay can be low and few and far between at normal, yet many jobs that are on offer or opportunites that come about tend to have unpaid positions and at best expenses only. I know that when I was in training and fresh from graduation I had to get a balance of professional work for my portfolio so often took on work, quite happily, that was unpaid as a must to show my willingness and passion. That is what I do think is the problem, many companies will only offer auditions to those graduates who have had previous professional work, so when other 'open' auditions come up especially the ones who do not advertise as paid work there will always be a collective of dancers who will fill in for such choreographers...leaving the viscious cirle still in flow.
Dance for me, like many other professionals is a job...yes we are very passionate, but we do have to earn a living also.

You wouldnt expect a plumber, for instance, to complete a contract with no pay packet at the end...why should it be expected for performers within the arts??

The one thing that with review from my journal that I am understanding a little more, despite feeling in over my head, is that of improvisation within performance. I love to improvise with movement yet when it is in a certain performance I have felt vulnerable and out of my depth. This is something that one of the programmes I am currently on tour with holds for me. My solo 'Embers' is an 20 minute improvisation, with 3 set points of reference only...just music cresendos! It is based upon the image 'Falling man' captured from 9/11 tower attacks where a man is falling from one of the buildings. I have found the piece much more easier to relate to following extensive study, research and interaction with survivors of the attacks when we visited NYC, yet I think I would have struggled to refrain from choreographing sections to fall back upon of it wasnt for my fellow dancer within the tour, Tom Pritchard (Glasgow based improvisation technician). He has helped me face the confidence demon I so frequently mention!!

http://www.smallpetitklein.com/tom.html

http://onthestageofthepresent.posterous.com/

The quality of movement and emotion I develop and perform each show is deeper and of a higher standard than anything that can be pre-created as I am completly in the moment and in the monent of said attacks. I find it highly emotional, often coming to tears during the performance, forgetting anyone is around to see me in 'my world'. I thank Tom for introducing me to such ways of working and the learning that to let my guard down can often be the best thing in some cases.

The next challenge for me is improvisation with text within performance...Hopefully I could learn from actors and dramaters within this course!??

Quote of my day

I was looking through some inspirational words, coming across this beautiful saying and photo.

It just helps reitterate the fact that sitting waiting for things to develop without any personal effort or assertion to the task in hand will not benefit you as much as the journey and experience of 'doing', even through those difficult times. It is no good expecting or waiting effortlessly in hope someone or something will do it for you with the helping hand, where is the learning within that?


Every minute can be the minute to begin it!!

A little motivational boost...we are ALL in the same boat

Whilst doing a little reading online I came across this blog/article from  a dancer named Azzura who works for Phoenix Dance Theatre.

It looks like other professionals are in the same boat as me....struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel whilst in a balance of performance tours. I could definitely relate to her and her feelings she is expressing.
It is a nice motivational boost to read that despite her (and our) upward struggles she has come out of the other end with a personal sense of achievment, realisation and further understanding of her own practice. This is exciting to read as afterall this is what I am seeking within myself and my art.

Please give it a little read through if you need that ''if you can do it...so can I'' feeling!!

Azzura Ardovini An Education

Self sabotage and under achieving with intent!!

Today has brought back some unkind memories, of which are in my pile of regret in the back of my mind! That of self sabotage.
Whilst discussing with a student her progress after a technigue class, I saw a small reflection of myself in this distraught young girl. In my opinion she was not putting in the maximum of her potential, and for want of better words slacking in my class. Usually the happy, energetic and competitive girl was now coming across the total opposite. She was used to out shining some of her fellow class mates in performance and exams, yet me being a teacher and being aware of other students feelings and abilities she was treated the same. She too had to work hard for excessive praise! I put it down to being a teenager, maybe discovering she had outgrown a 'hobbie' that was no longer a potential career path? Was it upcoming school exams? a sudden interest in boys?
After a half an hour of tears and frustration seeping from this girl we discovered she was self capping and monitoring her ability when in group classes so as to not stand ahead of the crowd, thus avoiding jealous comments and I suppose attention that is bullying. Teenagers can be mean, and to be segregated or lonely is something that feels like the end of the world at 14yrs old.
Flash backs to my training (15-20yrs) where I would get called names (mostly when I was doing well, for instance; not just doing but performing within an exercise, 'prima' or 'show off' I was called. I was torn between the wrath of my teacher or that of the other girls!) , not being accepted in to a group, if I made a small mistake, i.e falling from point in a pirouette, I would become the target of the week, being laughed at (despite still achieving better grades in the class throughout). One day I decided to chose an easier way to get through my training, Im not sure whether it was intentional at the time or not, but underachieving to avoid the grief and embarrassment, and not to be noticed in a class appealed more to me than the feeling of being left out and the odd one out outside of the studio!
I knew it would continue in to the professional world, this cattyness, yet for the time being it was worth it. I guess that is where priorities take hold, now I wish I had ignored the wrath of others gaining a better core technique (instead of a year or two plateau-ing) and developing a much thicker skin, but now is my chance to learn from such events...in this reflection.
I can see patterns within other aspects of my life too, the draft upon draft before submitting and agreeing on plans/written work/blogs/rehearsal notes....the perfectionist within is not often satisfied....as I have mentioned in previous blogs, my super harsh self critique kicks in. Maybe this is my way of pushing myself, overcompensating to overcome the years I missed out on progressing as I should have. I need to remember to trust myself and my choices, believing in myself and have the very well known PMA.
25 years old and still learning, still growing as an artist, the world is still exciting and still daunting. I just need to to throw my self in to things, get rid of this silly hesitation, as now is the time I do not want to be left behind!!!!

With regards to this student (who un beknown to herself, has propelled me once more into a much needed motivational self 'telling off'...for the good), we, along with her mother have decided an extra private lesson where she can be free to develop and push herself with out feeling the eyes of others burning into her...hopefully this next year or so will fly by and she can beging the life she still wants within training to be a professional.

Have any other teachers come across this in students? How have you dealt with the situation? Have you also been a victim of this self sabotage for an 'easier' route within your career path...or even your own social situations?

I wish I would have the future visions and confidence back then to still achieve with or without the incoming ridicule, who knows where and for whom I would be dancing for. Who knows where I will be in 5years and how, if at all this revelation has propelled me in to even more success???

Calling all 'on tour' peers

Within this course we are introduced to many talented artists at different stages in their personal career developments, which leads to interesting conversations and sharing of experiences.

Whilst chatting to Anya, she asked for advice on performing away on tour. As I am used to travel and dancing away on tour/rehearsals for lengthy periods she felt in need of some advice and had questions about this new aspect she was soon to experience in her career path.

Below are the questions that I was given, I thought that by publishing them some of you would like to add your personal reflection to these. I felt it would be a nice idea to get a variation of answers as one tour can be very different to another- one creative field differs from the next- and we all hold different opinions to the experience of living from the same old suitcase feeling a sense of 'floating' from one performance, theatre/venue and hotel to another!!

1. Essential items to pack...what can you not live without on the road? is it better to pack lightly or overpack and be prepared for anything?
2. I have heard from friends that it is very hard to eat healthy whilst travelling/rehearsing/performing...any tips? do you take food and utensils with you, so simple meals can be prepared? or do you have to master the art of chosing the healthiest option on a take away menu?
3. Do you tend to have to work on very little sleep?
4. Do you sometimes get socially claustrophobic living, working 24hours together...do you get time to yourself? or do you just have to become tolerant in that kind of situation?
5. Do you find it difficult to rehearse, perform and still find time for conditioning? How do you adapt your conditioning routine?
6. What are your experiences of technical difficulties when performing? What are the most common ones?
7. Do perfromance venues really vary?
8. What is the most challenging part of touring?

As I am a contemporary dancer currently working within the security of a dance company I answered the questions based upon my last few touring schedules, although I have encountered hundreds of different venues, different companies and encountered both lots of positive/negatives in various styles and situations that all can be very different in the contemporary dance field.


My answers;

1. My essential 'body pack': includes arnica cream/gel capsules and germolene for those bumps, bruises, cuts and burns inevitable whilst performing/rehearsing. Muscle rub; like tiger balm or deep heat to sooth the body when it hits fatique and results in pulls/strains, as you will be expected to work through the pain. Theraband or exercise elastics for stretching and conditioning. Knee pads for experimenting/repeating with new exciting moves. Hair/makeup required for performance. I tend to over pack when it comes to clothing, lots of layers and rehearsal wear as many venues and theatre can be freezing! I would like to think I take losts of nice clothing to wear for down time, yet that would be kidding myself....as rehearsals/performances and travel takes around 13-15 hours daily, social time on tour is very rare...other than a post performance run where a little glass of wine is well deserved.
2. Monitoring a healthy well balanced diet can be difficult if you are not based in self catering accommodation with acess to kitchen appliance, as the 'on the road' food tends to be lots of eating out, take aways or the quick and easy options from supermarkets like sandwiches (lots of stodge fat and heavy carbs, not ideal if eaten alll day every day). In these circumstances I tend to take backup options of substantial items like rice cakes, oat biscuits for a little sugar kick, buy fresh fruit daily  where accessible, nuts and dried fruit. As these are snacks, I like to eat little and often, saving myself mainly for dinner where i would chose a meal based upon fresh food and lots of protein, like fish or chicken, and some carbs for energy. In many venues and theatres microwaves are available so soup is ideal for the light lunch to keep you going through out the afternoon. I  do give in to my cravings though, I know I will work off plenty of calories throughout the time away so if that choccy bar is shouting at me...I will eat it :)
3. Yes this is a very common factor, to work on little sleep. This even more so now that I am having to sacrafice even more sleep to connect and work on this BAPP course. It is therefore important for us dancers to watch what we eat, with regards to lots of energy and slow burning foods...leaving out where possible the option for the sugar and adrenelyne rollercoaster of rush/dips. I find that stretching and napping on the go to be helpful in time management. Many times I have been laughed at by other co members for stretching on trains, in minibuses and catching up on much needed 40 winks in public, ha.
4. I think being tolerant and socially away of your own mood helps alot in such sticky situations. I have discovered tension within myself, and seen it with other peers as you have no choice really than to be in each others pockets. I found that lots of communication to 'the outside world' helps, keeping in control of your own focus with reading/researching your own apsects of performing etc. Listening to music is a must for me....the songs that cheer me up, energise and calm me down are on playlists. Having a journal where if necessary you can explode all emotions in private so as to not create more tension...afterall as Martha Graham once said, 'Misery is a commincable disease'!
5. I am currently touring with two different programmes of work, both sets of pieces are very different...one named 'Within this dust' is an extremely energetic and technical programme with 2 dancers (myself and another) based on the 'Falling man' image of 9/11, so imense emotional preparation is required along with the technical training...the other programme named 'Cut' has 5 dancers in a site design piece, 2 hours of site specific dance theatre work in and around buildings where we each have a character to portray. I find the spare time to be more difficult to come across when in 'within this dust' as we are needed in the space more often. Like I said before, multi tasking with the stretching, combining certain required techniques for the pieces into the daily and preshow warm up/ asking for specifics in daily class always help target your personal needs. When we are in the larger group, we take it in turns to teach class....always to teach different areas of technique and performance so as to cover all ground. The other dancers in your situation will need similar body and expressive attention so its good to voice it!
6. Technical difficulties do always tend to arise, mainly at crucial points, especially if your programme has many lighting states, musical changes/live music, or effects and props....yet it is good to distance your self from such things as there is a team in control it and you have your personal perparation to take care of. When the problems happen mid perfromance (usually music or lighting cues) it tests your ability to act on impulse or 'reflect in action' ( :-) !!!!) to carry on and pull the performance together seamlessly with the others (if applicable).
7. I would be inclined to say yes, but looking back I have found many venues, as I am currently theatre based, they roll into one image and memory...afterall theatres rarely differ. I imagine for you, when in commercial venues you will see the differences more!
8. The most challenging, and often in some cases an exciting part of touring is trying to keep each performance fresh and energetic, desptite being tired (and sometimes trired of the choreography). Give yourself a new angle to view your role in performance, or something new to achieve throughout your perfromance helps this. If you experience an injury or have a bad day, it can be quite difficult to rise out of the gloom with out the comforts and company of home...this teamed with constant travelling (which, dont get me wrong is a fab experience) and living from a suitcase can get some people down. Many days are very similar so try not to become subdued and dont fall into the boredom...look at each day as a new experience of which you can learn from, and impart knowledge and fun to others. We are living the dream afterall!!!

I am looking forward, as I imagine as is Anya with hearing some other stories and views within your answers ...thankyou in advance!

'Another view' journal writing with a nice suprise

With having the initial apprehension about the method of journal writing 'from another view', I must say I had an interesting time writing my journal entry from this external persective!!

When taking reflection from a rehearsal session and workshop through the 'thoughts' of my water bottle I unveiled some startling revelations about myself.

With the constant, yet feint theme of self doubt being apparant within my personality I realise now that this tool can help me to give a more sympathetic, self considerate and positive view upon my professional work.
This objective view can be an easier to way to put pen to paper, reflect and outwardly discuss ''Hayley's'' matters on anothers behalf... especially when the negative days do arise. I often seem to detract myself from some situations where I struggle to see the clarity in reflection, by tuning into this subconcious I feel that this method of stripping the issues and the super critical thoughts I have away, it will give me the clear platform and breathing space for the more important and relevant reflection to take place.

Maybe I should only apply this method occasionally when I feel I have hit the wall and see no other way of getting past ( for instance than with other more personal means of writing and reflection)?
To my suprise this is one I shall put in place.

I would be interested in discussing with others who have had an initial query about this method...how have you gone about it? What are your own findings within your personal pracice?

Another thing I discovered... poor water bottle!! I don't always express my anger, stress and unease...but I can say that the bottle feels it!! After this particularly difficult rehearsal day I found the bottle was squeezed within an inch of it usage!! It is my stress reliever aswell as a useful tool by the looks of it.
As it is kinder to me than myself, maybe I shall channel that unforgiving energy and be kind to the bottle in return!!

2c Reflective Theory

Below is the link to my task 2c doc. Please comment criticise and enjoy my view of critical reflection based upon my practice. Hopefully I am on the right lines!?? Well as it is my view I guess I cant be wrong?

Task 2c, Critical reflection on reflective practices