Task 2b: Journal writing experience

With regards to task 2b, I decided to try and log 9 different days/experiences/questions I came across using the 9 suggested methods of writing...

Description AND Initial Reflection

I know that on the guidelines these are categorised in to two separate methods, yet I found that I struggled to separate them, without coming across as vague or matter of fact (definitely not my usual style, but I’m sure there is no right or wrong, and in some future cases this could be what I and my journal needs?).
I would say that these are the main two ways in which people construct their journals and produce their 'evidence', like myself so I guess it was about breaking a habitual form. For instance I will always state the time and place, the event or experience I was living (in non-emotive form) and the development of the day. Alongside this I would always 'initially reflect’, I would insert declarations of my feelings, my expectations/summaries of the events, layout my mood and mind set and how perhaps this could have influenced the day or the route in which I led myself through the experience.
Looking back on this particular day, I spilt the methods back in to the two headings. In doing this I found that the description gave me the outer body or view of an outside eye looking at me in my experience...this gave me a more balanced review of my day and let me look deeper into what was actually being encountered with the freedom of not having the impressions of said emotions guiding me to one particular mind set or opinion.
''To reread the journal is to see oneself seeing'' (Grumet, M, 1990, Retrospective- autobiography and the analysis of educational experience. taken from the book 'Learning Journal' Moon, J)
 The description made me relive with fresh 'eyes' to re-discover the feelings to a heightened level than for instance just reading my explanations. I could see myself seeing and feeling!


Lists

I have used this method previously, in those moments where there is little time to go into depth so simply bulleting words, thoughts and small images for later expansion can become useful. I can’t imagine using this method as a sole entry without further thought/reflection… maybe just as a starting point, an impulse method laid down for further indulgence when I have the time, energy and enthusiasm to revisit.
If ‘lists’ were used for sole method of journal writing, I would imagine it would be of bare minimum detail or perhaps a lower base level of emotional attachment/ connection. Maybe this can be good in some cases too? Has this worked well for anyone as yet?

I live by lists; ‘to do lists’, ‘don’t forget’ lists, ideas lists, but having said that I always intend to expand on such notes. For me I found this as a tool to capture a train of thought or stream of ideas before something else quickly took their place in my mind, therefore losing some potential ‘sparks’ of inspiration.
I feel I should experiment and see what would happen if I reflect upon the lists, and the lists alone….no further added descriptions or generation of further thoughts.

Evaluation

I added this concept to a day I had already written about (using the typical ‘Hayley’ style, of description and initial reflection). This reflective process in a way forced me to question my findings from the day’s experience. I think that the posed questions; ‘what went well/ what worked? Did you learn anything, discover anything, and notice things to avoid?’  are ideal in making me become accustomed to and used to going that little bit further in my reflection process, going that layer deeper.
By noting down specific happenings and my personal connections towards them, and looking further into the observations that I have made, I feel I have a better understanding of my practice and the ways in which I work and create. The reflection, unlike in other areas of journal writing made me feel that I was in the driving seat with the control there at my fingertips, a ripened view of reflection (opposed to it happening instantaneously/ subconsciously).
I think that this way will definitely aid me and my discovery of self-analysis and reflection, as already I have put into practice some ideas and strategic ways of thinking that this method brought about.
The evaluation is a guidance of a ‘young’ reflective practitioner into hopefully a ‘mature’ and successful one. Watch this space!!

Graphs, Charts and Diagrams.

With this particular set of methodical/data journaling, I began to think that maybe it would not really assist me in my line of work. I could not imagine charting some thoughts or ideas in such a ‘mathematical’ figure.  I suppose in the realms of teaching, these could be of use, say to monitor or display the progress of the class, and or my approaches that I may use to achieve targets?

Looking at ALL aspects of work that perhaps I mention in journals, I guess that there are few places where I do actually, in some form, chart my information. My budget and pay for example, or my fitness regimes where I create timetables for ‘stamina vs. technique’ (for instance gym and fitness training vs. the dance technique classes such as ballet) laying out the information does make it an easier format to understand and see where possible comparisons can be made from time to time. 

Well to say that I don’t think it would be useful, I think I may have just proved myself wrong?

Do any of you find success within charting or using diagrams/graphs in your discovery to who you are or becoming in the professional practice?

What if?

 What would I love to happen? What would I hate to happen? What could have happened?

This I imagine is a smaller aspect that I can apply to my journal …maybe as a last thought or even a fore thought to my day? To evaluate and discover other possible outcomes of the experience was really interesting, it let my imagination and desire, and fear or protection of myself become expressive.  Acknowledging such possibilities made me go on the following day with a sense of ‘maybe I can achieve more’, I guess it gave me an extra drive or motivation to go that extra mile...what would I love to have happened?

The questions I see also as a preparation technique. I looked at the concept of formulation within a plan where I would seek out all eventualities and identify any possible problems that I would wish to avoid, thus being proactive in a hope to erase the possibility of coming across ‘what I would hate to happen’.  

This forward preparation however lead to the lesser chance of ‘reflection in action’ to occur, with the unexpected happening. I began to think, would this make you feel more secure and confident or maybe less challenged? I shall have to put this in to practice on those unpredictable days in order to gain a more conclusive view if this could work for me.

Another view

I haven’t actually had much enthusiasm to attempt this as yet. I am becoming aware these days that I must be in a comfortable mind frame in order to let my guard down and be less resistant to new ways of learning and achieving tasks (both with in BAPP, my social/ private life and within my practice). I do know that I need to open myself up more…saying that I shall have a go at this technique tomorrow….through the eyes and mind of my water bottle!!!!! (oh my!!)

Thoughts upon MY reflective journal

Journal writing has come to me in latter part of my life, in my more professional age. I wasn't one of those girls who completed 'dear diary' entries as a child, I didn't see much point; saying that I did give it a go but must admit I only really wanted to say I owned one of those diaries with a mini pad lock attatched!!

Since beginning my training to be a professional dancer, I have found it interesting to keep a journal (although it was there for me to add input as and when I felt, not necessarily as a daily exercise) This is not to be confused with my creative ideas book that I probably add to daily....that is a very extensive piece of work that I think all artists carry to jot down all inspirations, large or small. although i do imagine there to be a small cross over. The journal for me is a platform where I can log my journey's, my experiences and places I have travelled to, but also a place where I can discover my own thoughts, splash out any anxieties (the hurdles I face)... a place where I can privately rant and rave, liberating the much valued head space of which these pressures are commandeering!

My journal is created by a free flow method of writing I guess, I find putting pen to paper is a more personal, expressive and creative means rather than tapping at a computer keyboard (I know by reading my past blogs some of you will feel it is because of my 'phobia' of most modern technology, ha! maybe this is my excuse then?!) I have no desired outcome or particular product I wish to achieve; other than to express, show evidence of what I have witnessed and what I have taken part in, and where I have visited 'in my career world' ....just in case the elderly Hayley Dixon does not quite believe it as being true :)

Following the academic writing class with Peter Thomas, I have realised that free writing is exactly what I do. I write and write, often without consciously adding punctuation etc. I just expel certain thoughts and ideas along with a whole lot of nonesense or unproductive chatter. Sometimes I will have a little look back and see that there are indeed some 'golden nuggets' of quality or revelations about my practice that were once perhaps hidden in my black hole of my mind.
I do hope that this can develop further as I learn to reflect and revisit my journals more. It is a rare thing for me to do, 'revisit'. To some extent I think that I haven’t looked back on past journal entries as the 'positive' half of me preserved 'Hayley' as a whole, from reliving and facing some demons and areas of my mind that I scribbled down only as a form of release. (Like a self-administered therapy) To me these were expelled from my head… 'I lived it - I freed it from my mind - I moved on'.

I suppose you could say that when I am in a vulnerable place my survival mechanics kick in. This sounds rather intense, but as a person I am quite hard on myself and deep down have had self-confidence issues (of which I can mask very easily to others), my journal when it comes to emotions seems to lay bare the difficulties, fears and stresses I face… maybe to some extent I have used it as a trash can, as so to speak. I am sure there are lots of positives in there too; I just need to find courage in looking back, confronting and deciphering the emotions. After all reflection is seeing the journey or route from the: then 'A' to the now 'B'.

A journal extract. ''Self analysis: it is just finding the balance of the 'devil' vs 'angel' ''

I am sure many of you are wondering where my video clip for task 1c is?? It is a difficult situation at the minute as it was recorded on a friends flip camera (one where the usb attatchment folds in and out for 'easy uploads'! this definitely appealed to me with my fear of technology!! ) well unfortunatley the easy upload has back fired as the usb connector does not work... This is a typical Hayley situation!!
I am in the process of getting the video clips transferred to a memory card, so watch this space!

Looking through a journal entry after creating said video, I had scribbled down some thoughts and flashbacks to a more vulnerable place in my life....the time I was a dance student!! I thought I would share a little of this as I hope that in months to come I will have overcome some deamons that are layed out bare here...

     ''After many story boards and ideas sheets, miutes upon minutes of practiced and unsued movement material I had created soley for this purpose, I decided to go back to basics. My creative side was becoming my road block (you do not realise how strange that was to say especially with being a professional in the dance/creative world, where the saying is usually complete opposite!) Having too many ideas for such a simple and small clip seemed to stress me out a little. As I mentioned in the first campus session, I am too  much of a perfectionist. (hence my draft after draft problem I have!) I do think however, being in the performance field and being a constantly 'viewed' dance artist, self reflection and self critcal analysis is inevitable and is something  that we all do. Some more than others indeed, but how much can be too much?
Speaking from past experience and self judgemnt, I know that sometimes this added pressure I give myself, other to that that is already present through the eyes and minds of the exterior/ the viewer, has sometimes put me back a few paces. I was definitely a 'victim' of this self abuse for want of a better phrase. I do remember a dance teacher (who at the time was my idol...which made this worse...) being more than mean to me when I felt I was actually at the top of the class in the particular technique; as a result of months and months of attacking and challenging myself, my body image and my dance ability. I think the extra negativity and critcism I received from said lecturer was initially there as a tactic to recieve that extra ounce of energy/quality/competition from me, but due to the extent of this external added pressure it just left me feeling a further attacked and this dented my confidence immensely. Especially as I am already a bully to myself. After reviewing the situation, and having been in a teachers position myself since, I do understand the intention, and that it wasnt a bullying technique afterall, just a method of teaching in order to propell the student further. However I do realise that you have to carefully assesss the situation and not treat each particular person the same. To expose the vulnerablity of a person who is more self critical than necessarily needed at that moment in time, could be more detremental in the long run.
In my craft and especially the company I am with, I am very confident in what I do and the sucess I have and am achieving here, yet deep down I still have the little devil that is the severe self anaylst that lies within. That is part of my drive and motivation I guess. I have nurtured this devil to work in my favour in dance, so I can see how actually this is now an angel. When the I know how to work with the crtical devil I can definitely use to my advantage in new and often uncomfortable siuations. Here is hoping the balance can be transferred as easy as it is to say can be!
The professional world I am in and the position at which I am in at the moment is definitely my 'home' and is the place where I feel I can be true to myself. There are examples of where I am thrown out of my comfort zone, like here in this course, where I will be faced with the challenge to keep the confidence and self belief on track, until it becomes second nature to me.

I must remember too much procrastinating and self doubt will be my fall. The sky is the limit afterall, any weight that pulls me back needs to be shed! :) ''

iPhone upload. My first!!!!

Being fairly new to the technology of apple, I am hoping this app is going to be the saviour I have been in search for. Being on the move a lot I have little time to check out my blog page and even worse comment on others. I know this is a great help as discussions, information and confidence can be shared by the interaction with fellow bappers and fellow artists.
Does anybody know if there is a way to view other blogs on this app, or at least leave comments? If not at least I have achieved a mobile upload! Yey!